So you’re ready to try butt stuff!
Maybe you’ve even dabbled in the anal play realm already, but that doesn’t mean that partnered anal sex isn’t intimidating. We’ve all heard an anal sex horror story or two that could make, even the most adventurous person, pop a padlock on their booty for good.
But, more people have dipped their toe into the world of anal than you might think. According to an article in Psychology Today: “By age 50, 40 percent of Americans have experimented with oral-anal sex (analingus), sphincter massage, fingering, toy insertions, or penis-anus intercourse.”
And most of those horror stories are actually due to improper anal practices. If done correctly, anal sex doesn’t have to hurt AT ALL. Sex isn’t supposed to hurt. Crazy concept right?
It may feel a little weird at first…there may be a feeling of pressure, but anal sex can actually be an extremely PLEASURABLE experience.
Putting aside the taboo aspect of booty play, that makes you feel extra naughty; the anus is filled with a butt-load (pun very much intended) of nerve endings; making anal play a very enjoyable experience for many people.
Ensure you’re ready
That being said, anal sex isn’t for everyone. You should only try it if YOU want to. Not liking or wanting anal sex doesn’t mean you’re boring in bed, not adventurous or a bad partner. No one should EVER pressure you into doing something you’re not interested in. Trusting your anal sex partner is an absolute MUST.
But, if you’re ready and nervously raring to go…let’s talk about some important anal sex tips that will make the experience even more enjoyable and, hopefully, a little less intimidating.
Tip #1: Use lube
If you only take one piece of advice, let it be this one. Use ALL THE LUBE. More than you think you need. Your booty should be the slip and slide of butts, when you’re done with it.
Since the anus doesn’t provide its own lubrication, it’s up to you to give it a helping hand. In fact, using lube in all types of sex is advisable. There’s even a study that proves that lube makes sex more enjoyable. But we could have told them that…
Lube is your friend in all cases but especially during anal sex. It makes things more comfortable for the receiver and reduces the chances of chafing or tearing. So, make sure you’re using it liberally and reapplying, as needed, throughout the experience.
“It may feel a little weird at first…there may be a feeling of pressure, but anal sex can actually be an extremely PLEASURABLE experience.”
Tip #2: Take it slow
Ramp up to anal sex with LOTS of foreplay. The more turned on the ‘receiver’ is, the more pleasurable the experience will be.
You can also start off by using smaller toys, rimming and finger penetration to prepare the booty for strap-on or penis penetration.
After you’ve taken your time and warmed things up, don’t expect it to be a perfect experience. The first time you have anal sex, it may not feel like sex. It might be a lot slower or it might not look how you expect it to.
It’s best to think of it more like an experiment. It doesn’t have to look or feel like sex and it, most certainly, doesn’t have to look like porn. The first time should be taken slowly and used as a way to test the waters. Test out how you feel. Test where your boundaries are. Discover your limits. Figure out what you need to feel comfortable.
Which brings us to the most important point…
Tip #3: Use communication
You need to talk. Check in constantly with one another to make sure that everyone is comfortable. The ‘receiver’, especially, needs to be extremely communicative and let the ‘giver’ know when they want more, less, if they need to take a break or stop altogether.
The first time having anal sex isn’t a silent, sexy process where everything runs smoothly and the only sounds are moans of ecstasy. It requires lots of conversation. There may be laughing, awkwardness, stopping and starting, someone yelling “NOPE,” lots of ‘are you oks’ and a steady stream of communication.
So get ready to get chatty and make sure everyone is having the best time possible.
Tip #4: Expect messiness
The number one worry is that anal sex is going to be smelly, messy or that someone is going to, full-on, poop the bed…
We get it. Nobody wants to be that person.
But, luckily, the likelihood of bed poopage is low.
Unless you need to poop, there shouldn’t be any poop in the anal canal. So, as long as you’ve already used the bathroom or you don’t feel like you need to, things should be fairly free and clear in the booty department.
BUT that doesn’t mean you’ll have a no poop experience. There can still be remnants of fecal matter on the walls of the anal canal, that a penis, toy or strap on may end up encountering.
But here’s the thing, if your partner is afraid of a little poop…they’re not ready for anal sex. Because, yes, shit happens during anal sex. Smells happen during anal sex. And that’s perfectly normal.
If you’re worried about a mess, you can lay a towel on the bed. Using condoms on strap ons and penises also makes for easy clean up. Make sure you’re switching condoms between any anal to vaginal penetration.
“The first time having anal sex isn’t a silent, sexy process where everything runs smoothly and the only sounds are moans of ecstasy.”
Anal sex for the first time can feel scary, but it can also be a lot of fun. It’s not as intimidating as it may seem and for a lot of people, it becomes a main staple of their sex lives. The best advice we can give you is to put those insecurities aside, so you can relax and enjoy yourself. And of course…the lube…we can’t stress this enough. The lube.
Meet the author...
Jennifer Doan is a Confidence Coach, writer and orgasmic activist. She is on a life-long mission to help feminists own their sexual confidence by amplifying pleasure and giving less fucks. She believes virginity and gender are social constructs, sexuality is as fluid as her iced coffee and that EVERYONE deserves to feel empowered by sex.