It’s more than just a Justin Timberlake tune! Though I promise it will DEFINITELY be stuck in your head all day now… sorry…
Society has shamed women’s sexuality for millenia, so you’re bound to have a few hang ups around feeling and/or expressing sexiness. Our sexuality has been reserved, commodified and served up for the pleasure of cis men for so long, that it no longer feels like our own.
But sexiness isn’t an outfit. It’s not the dirty talk you say or the way you pose during sex.
Sexiness is innate. It’s raw. It’s powerful. And it’s PART. OF. YOU.
Women are used to repressing their sexual nature. They’re told from an early age that their sexual desire is wrong, showing their skin is wrong and being anything more than pure and virginal is wrong. This massive double standard between men & women causes many women to suppress their sexual desire.
On the other side of the spectrum, we’re constantly inundated with over sexualized media content. Women sliding their semi-nude bodies down the front of cars, being unable to control themselves at one whiff of men’s deodorant and drinking sodas SO GOOD, they’re barely holding in an orgasm.
To say our ideas around sexuality are confusing, would be a massive understatement.
Many women dissociate from their sexuality altogether. Some feel like they can’t do sexy “right.” And some put on sexiness like a costume that they can use to turn on their partner if they dress/speak/act a certain way.
We’re in no way shaming anyone’s relationship with sexuality. It’s complicated, confusing and ever-changing, but there is so much more beneath the surface, ready to be tapped into.
Denying yourself as a sexual being means rejecting a very REAL part of yourself. Whether or not you’re 100% comfortable with it, your sexuality is within you. That doesn’t mean you have to want a lot of sex, or any sex at all. Knowing your sexual desires is where your power lies, whether they’re intense or non-existent.
So how do you tap into that sexy being within you, even when it feels too far out of reach? Here’s a few tips to boost the sensuality in your life and coax out that sexy beast within…
Find the erotic in the mundane
How can peeling an orange be seductive? How can unlocking your door be sexy? How sensual can you make that first sip of coffee?
It may seem silly, but we often forget to enjoy the small pleasures of everyday life. Trying to bring more sexiness to mundane tasks forces you to slow down and be mindful and acknowledge what sensuality means to you.
Next time you feel yourself going through the motions, stop and ask yourself “How can I make this sexy?” Who knows, you may even find yourself getting a little turned on while picking out lettuce at the supermarket…
If it feels weird, then laugh! Joy, humour and silliness is an important part of sexiness that is often overlooked.
The point of this exercise isn’t for you to be suddenly horny for lettuce heads, it’s to start infusing your life with eroticism, so that sexy, sensual energy is always there, bubbling right at the surface.
Take nudes
Get your timer & front facing camera ready and strip down!
Taking some fun nudes allows you to see your body in a different light. Use props like flowers or a sheet, find a patch of sunlight and snap a few sensual pics.
Try to look at the photos without judgment. See if you can find beauty or even sexiness in the softness of your skin and the curve of your waist.
We are so hard on our bodies sometimes that it can feel near impossible to find them attractive. Sometimes we wander through life ignoring our nudity, never truly looking at our own bodies. Taking nude selfies can help you create a better relationship with your body and remind yourself that you are a sexual being.
They don’t have to be perfect. These photos are just for you (unless you have someone worthy of receiving them). Do what you need to do to be happy with the photos. Use filters, wear a full face of makeup, wear no makeup, etc. This is your shoot, there’s no rules.
Masturbate
I mean, this one is pretty obvious, right?
The fastest way to connect with your own sensuality is through a little solo sex. Women who masturbate more often report higher sexual desire and self-esteem.
Being in control of your own pleasure can help you appreciate your body and sexuality more completely. It can give you a greater sense of independence and gives you that extra boost of sexy energy. It also helps you to understand your fantasies, boundaries and your orgasms inside and out, so you can teach future partners exactly what you need.
Plus, it feels pretty damn good.
Reconnecting with the powerful sexual energy inside of you can feel intimidating. But, always remember that this journey is YOUR OWN. No one should ever pressure you into being more sexual or shame you for not desiring sex. Take your sexy back for you and no one else. Do it to have a better relationship with your body, to feel more confident or to have better sex. Do it just because you deserve it!
Meet the author...
Jennifer Doan is a Confidence Coach, writer and orgasmic activist. She is on a life-long mission to help feminists own their sexual confidence by amplifying pleasure and giving less fucks. She believes virginity and gender are social constructs, sexuality is as fluid as her iced coffee and that EVERYONE deserves to feel empowered by sex.