Jacking off, jilling off, having a wank, whackin’ it, solo sex, flicking the bean, rubbing one out…
With all the names we’ve created for masturbation, you’d think we’d be a little more comfortable talking about it. But, no matter what you call it, giving yourself some sweet sweet lovin’ can be an amazing, transformative, much needed and—yes—totally normal pastime.
That doesn’t always feel like the case, though. For many people, masturbation was a taboo topic growing up. It was something that was wrong, dirty, perverse and caused side effects, such as hairy palms and blindness… 😬
But there’s also amazing benefits to masturbation like increased confidence, reduced stress, enhanced mood and knowing what you want in bed.
So, where does all this negativity surrounding self-pleasure come from?
Why There’s So Much Stigma
Sexuality is demonized in our society. Either that or it’s packaged and sold back to us in the form of products we don’t really need.
From the time we’re able to process thoughts, we’re told that sex is either a sin or a commodity. Which is confusing to say the least.
Religion has heavily influenced our world today and they’ve been pretty vocal about keeping our sexuality under wraps. Combine that with the underwhelming sexual education received in schools and you’ve got the perfect storm of shame, guilt and misinformation.
Femmes are especially shamed for taking control of their sexual desires.
Femme sexual energy is POWERFUL. When you see a badass, sexually empowered femme, owning their pleasure…it’s like staring into a thousand sexy suns. It’s no wonder they wanted to repress that energy. It’s unstoppable.
60-80% of women and 95% of men admit to masturbating. It’s an extremely natural, extremely common way to take control of your pleasure. Doctors even witness babies masturbating in utero…so it’s literally hardwired into us. Not to mention, it also has some incredible benefits!
But even though it’s so common, there’s still so much shame surrounding the idea of self-pleasure.
Overcoming Shame
So how do you say goodbye to all those shameful voices in your head and start getting back to what really matters? The orgasms, obviously…
For some people the shame may feel like too much to handle on their own. Seeking support from a therapist can be extremely helpful for uncovering sexual shame.
Others may choose to move through this work on their own. You can use some of these tips as a jumping off point:
Start following sex positive people on social media. The more you expose yourself to positive messaging around sex & masturbation, the more normalized it will become. Plus, we could all use a little more sex education.
Talk to your friends about masturbation. I know it sounds awkward, but there’s nothing more affirming than knowing your friends are in the same boat. Literally everyone has a story about overcoming shame around masturbation.
Get to the root of your shame. When you unravel the complicated web of shame, you’re able to see it for what it really is. Whoever shamed you was someone who felt deep, unhealed shame around their own sexuality. Coming to terms with the reason you feel shame can help you see things from a new angle and let go of the past.
“Femme sexual energy is POWERFUL.”
Masturbation is normal! We all carry some sort of guilt and fear around sex, but you can re-educate yourself as an adult and harness the incredible power that your sexuality holds. Pleasure is such an important part of living a healthy, happy and fulfilling life. And, let’s be honest…don’t you deserve a little more pleasure?
Meet the author...
Jennifer Doan is a Confidence Coach, writer and orgasmic activist. She is on a life-long mission to help feminists own their sexual confidence by amplifying pleasure and giving less fucks. She believes virginity and gender are social constructs, sexuality is as fluid as her iced coffee and that EVERYONE deserves to feel empowered by sex.