Sex and mental health are strange bedfellows. They’re both glossed over in the more general ‘health’ discussion, and it’s considered a taboo to talk about them in anything louder than a hushed tone.
They’re also intrinsically linked in terms of physicality. While in some cases sex can be a fun, throwaway part of life, it can also be a subject you need to tread very carefully around. Plenty of things can affect your mental health when it comes to sex, from medication to past experiences of assault or abuse. And while it can be very easy to bottle such things up or brush them aside, it’s important to take your concerns seriously, and spend some time considering how mental health affects your sex life.
With this in mind, we’ve put together a resource of issues to be aware of when thinking about your sex life, your mental health and how they intertwine. Here, you’ll find some common connections between the two, some concerns it might be worth looking into, and a little reminder that you’re not alone.
Menstrual cycles
People who menstruate already know how their cycle can affect their mood in a variety of ways. It might be craving chocolate a couple of days before you’re due, tearing up at adverts, or the grueling cocktail of headaches, bloating and cramps. In fact, ninety percent of people who have periods experience at least one symptom of PMS before their cycle. This is bound to put a dampener on any kind of sexual mood. However, if you go through a truly dark time before your period, this could be a sign of PMMD. Premenstrual dysmorphic disorder is a hormone-related condition, and often brings about feelings of depression and, in particularly bad cases, suicidal ideation. If you believe your PMS is more than the usual low mood, it’s definitely a good idea to see a doctor. The right treatment will help to make things better and hopefully allow you to feel comfortable being sexual again.
Mental health conditions
Almost every mental health condition can affect your sex drive in some shape or form. When you’re feeling terrible about the world around you, often the last thing you want to do is have sex. However, depending on your symptoms, the problem can be more than simply having a low libido.
For example: anxiety and depression can cause poor self-esteem, which may lead to you not feeling attractive or worthy enough for sex, while the anxiety associated with OCD can lead to sex avoidance and anorgasmia.
In some conditions, however, mental illness manifests differently when it comes to sex. Bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder can encompass hyper-sexuality: an unusually high sex drive. This can sometimes lead to risky sexual behavior, and is actually more common in women than men.
Of course, not everyone experiences their mental ill health in the same way, but if you’re worried about how your mental health affects your sex drive, you might want to look into some medication. Speaking of which . . .
Medication and birth control
Some people choose to take medication to help their mental health. However, you should be aware that some drugs can cause low a sex drive and decreased libido. Side effects of antidepressants, for example, can range from erectile dysfunction to difficulty achieving orgasm.
This is also something to bear in mind if you’re on birth control. Five percent of people on the pill experience a decrease in sexual desire, which might not seem like a lot until you realize that 5% is actually 500,000 people in the US alone.
Of course trying out different medications and birth control is always an option. Finding the right solutions that work for you without compromising your sexuality is completely achievable. However, it’s up to you to weigh up what’s important in your eyes, so just know that you might have a bit of trial and error on your hands.
Your past
Every year in the US 433,648 people aged 12 and older experience sexual assault and rape. The ways in which having your trust and body violated can manifest are huge, from flashbacks and PTSD to self-harm, sleep disorders and dissociation, fundamentally changing how you view sex on all levels.
If this is something you’re going through, the best thing you can do is to treat your sexuality with care. Only you know what feels okay for you and your body, and you might feel very protective of yourself – which is absolutely your right.
Now’s the time to surround yourself with good, empathetic people – particularly when it comes to choosing partners. Nobody who cares about you should encourage you to engage in sexual activities until you’re feeling ready. And when you do decide to begin having sex again, it should be caring and communicative, and fully focused on fun and pleasure.
Our sexual identity is affected by so many external factors, lots of which aren’t spoken about simply because conversations about sex are still considered taboo, not just in ‘polite society’, but in the medical community as well. We’re here to remind you that you’re not alone and that women across the world experience these mental health and sex complications. No matter your sexuality or sex life or mental health experiences, remember: the way you feel is completely valid and normal. It’s often difficult to talk about because we don’t have freely available resources to learn about these feelings, which means we don’t feel comfortable talking about them, due to the stigma of women being open and honest about both their sex life and their mental health. We would always recommend speaking to a doctor or therapist if you’re worried about either your sex life or your mental health. Below are some good mental health resources for when you can’t immediately contact a GP.
📞 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK / En Español 1-888-628-9454
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text ‘HELLO’ to 741741
📞 Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 or text ‘TalkWithUs’ to 66746
Meet the author...
Despite being a writer, Kirstyn Smith still isn’t very good at amusing bios. She works freelance as an editor + writer, and she’s also founder of Marbles – an independent magazine that explores mental illness with irreverence, rawness and humour. In her free time, she likes to nap, eat chips, run and consume all things spooky. But mainly the chips thing.