Alexander Graham Bell probably didn’t envision that, when he invented the telephone, people would one day use it to help each other get off. Though, given the Victorians’ propensity for lasciviousness, perhaps he did. Either way, it’s 135 years later and sexting is the norm: eighty percent of people use it to spice up their intimate lives.

Can we blame ourselves? Sexting offers such a flexible form of communication: texts, photos, videos, heck, even emojis are enough to perk you up when you hear your phone ding. But sometimes, you might find yourself stuck for words (or pictures). That’s where we come in: our sexting guide will hopefully spark some inspiration on how to keep things spicy in your sexts

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Ask questions

Just as this is a great communication tool when you’re stuck for ideas in face-to-face conversations, questions are the perfect sexting icebreaker. It’s particularly sneaky if you’re struggling to find something to say, as it allows the other person to talk about themselves – and everyone loves talking about themselves!

You don’t have to get too deep: a simple ‘I’m thinking about you. Are you in bed? / What are you doing? / What are you wearing?’ might be enough. For those who might not take the hint, using specifics might drive them to action: ‘Do you remember X thing we did last week?’ or ‘Can we do X activity again soon?’ When you don’t want to beat about the bush, try ‘U up?’ with an eggplant emoji. It’s not subtle, but it works.


Tease . . . just a little

One of the hottest turn ons is knowing someone’s thinking about you when you’re not together. It’s even hotter when these thoughts are particularly dirty. Sending a quick sext when your partner is otherwise engaged is a surefire way to snap their mind back to you and get their motor running. 

They might be catching up with co-workers, at the bar with friends or even in the middle of their 9-5. In these instances, photos speak louder than words (more on that below), so a cheeky snap of you looking your seductive best will let them know exactly what’s on your mind.

This works best as a simple tease, designed to turn them on quickly and unexpectedly. Ultimately, if they try to start a conversation, we recommend playing hard to get. You don’t want to be rude to the people they’re with, after all.


Compliments, compliments, compliments

Good sexting comes when you’re being as natural as possible. So taking a step back and thinking about what you’re really attracted to in your partner will help improve your sexting skills. If there’s a part of their body that drives you wild, give it a shout out. If there’s something they do in bed that makes you weak at the knees, let them know how much it turns you on.

Compliments, particularly body- or sex-focused make the receiver feel like they can trust you, allowing them to feel comfortable opening up and being vulnerable. And feeling at ease is precisely the emotion you’re going for when you’re sexting (as well as super horny, of course).


Strike a pose

When you’re ready to turn your sexts up a notch, getting handy with your camera is the obvious move. Now, nudes don’t have to be X-rated to be sexy – far from it. Less is very often more, and you can exploit this to create some truly mouthwatering shots.

An over-the-shoulder shot in your most flattering yoga pants, a full-body lingerie look, or a bare-all black-and-white pose – the great thing about nudes is that you can run the gamut of ideas and ratings.

Of course, we understand that you can feel a little awkward all alone in your room with nothing but a self-timer and a mirror for help. If you’re stuck for inspiration, our advice is to think about sex positions and emulate them. For example, there’s a reason men love doggy style, or women love spooning, these positions show off the best and most beautiful aspects of your body.

📸 Behind the scenes tip: You probably won’t get the perfect shot on your first try, but don’t give up. A seasoned sexter has rolls upon rolls of not-quite-right photos on their phone. Perseverance is the road to perfect nudes.

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At its bare bones, sexting is the ultimate in foreplay, a dirty little secret between you and your partner, and a complete turn-on. We hope you enjoy our sexting guide, and that it inspires you to get typing, snapping and making Alexander Graham Bell spin in his grave just a little.

P.s. It’s important to stay safe while sexting, particularly if you’re sending pictures or videos. Pop a passcode on your device (and ask your partner to do the same), so only you have access to them. You can also get creative about how you frame your nudes, so that any identifying features like tattoos, birthmarks and even your face, aren’t in show. And if you don’t trust the receiver 100%, don’t hit ‘send’. 

Meet the author...

Meet the author...

Despite being a writer, Kirstyn Smith still isn’t very good at amusing bios. She works freelance as an editor + writer, and she’s also founder of Marbles – an independent magazine that explores mental illness with irreverence, rawness and humour. In her free time, she likes to nap, eat chips, run and consume all things spooky. But mainly the chips thing.